I love to do yard work. It’s not very heavy work. Moving some mulch, raking leaves, trimming bushes, and digging holes for new plants. Then a day or two goes by and there it is – a bruise.  A dark, splotchy evidence that something happened. And if it’s not a bruise, it’s a sharp pain in my back or shoulder that wakes me up in the middle of the night, and I get up and take some Motrin.

I think back to the yard work, and for the life of me, I can’t remember what caused it.  But if I think a little harder, I can vaguely remember that that bag of mulch was a little heavier than I thought. Or that wheelbarrow that I bumped into. Or the strain of digging up the roots of the dead shrub that was a bit too much. And then the hurt makes sense. 

As I consider my own life, it follows that same scenario.  When I was a child, some things happened to me that could certainly be classified as significant trauma. And as children do, I tucked away the trauma and lived my life.

In my early 30’s, the “bruises and pain” began to show up, evidenced by anxiety and depression. Something had happened in my early years, but what?  I was uncomfortable —much like the poet when he felt undone by seeing a circular stain of brown on the wall, the remnant of a knot bleeding through many coats of paint. 

With the help of a good therapist, I began to think back and remember the trauma that occurred. Only then did the bruise and knot make sense. I had less fear about their abrupt appearance. It was a relief. Deep healing could take place.

One of the things I recalled about my therapist was that he didn’t push and pull to discover the moment of trauma. Rather he nudged, trusting that the memory would find its way to the surface. Good therapists nudge and wait.

I hope you find the language of the bruise and the knot in the quote and the poem above helpful. 

As metaphors they explain the delayed reaction we have after a traumatic event. It is a bit unsettling to have some evidence of harm appear when the cause is detached from the resulting wound.  As a listener you can offer solace to those hurting that this sensation of displaced time is a common experience. This lag time is needed for the brain to catch up to the fact and impact of what was endured.