The True Self Defined
Recently I saw a Facebook post that intrigued me. Here is what was written, “It’s nice to be happy after being cut down by life.”
I knew what had happened to my friend. It was true. He had endured wave after wave of life changing losses. September was awful. October was worse. And with November came an unspeakable shock out of nowhere. I joined with many others getting involved and listening. This is not an unusual trauma story, and yet, I share his words, here, on the blog, for one reason.
The word happy. H-A-P-P-Y .
I am not a fan of any kind of buzz kill. Of course, I want my friend to recover. Anyone going through trauma wants to go back to a pre-offense (pre- event) state of being. That’s all OK. As I said, the problem is simply the word happy. It isn’t complete. It isn’t deep enough for all the depths that can accompany coming through hard times. IF YOU DO YOUR WORK. It doesn’t clarify that on the other side of trauma the TRUE SELF can be discovered and brought to the forefront.
The word ‘happy’ often is tied to circumstances. This can be a set up for disillusionment, if/when, another circumstance cracks open our serenity and the upbeat song of our soul is drowned by shock or loss.
What word would work better for me? What would I put in its place? Instead of the word ‘happy’, I prefer the word, ‘rejuvenated.’ Here is what the dictionary says the word means:
Rejuvenate literally means “to make young again”. It can imply a restoration of physical or mental strength or a return to a more youthful, healthy condition.
What part of us is made young after trauma? The true self. Think of it this way. Our cynicism after the world breaks our hearts is stiff. Our anxiety is full of wobble. We are feverish and hyper vigilant. Also, to experience our creativity is frightening because by nature it is accepting and spontaneous. All the lively parts of us go into a stiff posture during trauma. All of this happens in order to fight, run, or shut down. Our true self feels muted. It isn't vigorous.
When we have moved the trauma experience through our bodies and minds and gained a new perspective, it often feels like a re-birth. Our recovery isn’t perfect (or complete) but we can notice that wooden places inside us begin to pulse with new life. New things are possible now.
MARKERS OF THE TRUE SELF
The true self has clarity. It has new conviction about what is worth living for and what is worth dying for. It has compassion and creativity. All of these traits are innate. As children we held these things within us, often, without noticing. This is why today I am bringing you a challenge to the word ‘happy.’ While, it is true that my friend was noticing a lightness to his steps, I believe an even greater restoration was underway. More was happening– down where the marrow meets the bone. After trauma he was showing all of his friends the resilience of the true self. The inner chambers of his heart were going through a revival.
TEN MINUTES TO CONTEMPLATE / ENJOY THE BEAUTY OF THE TRUE SELF

In this section you will find two quotes and two short videos that show forth the journey of the true self. Would you journal about how they make you feel?
Largeness is a lifelong matter… You grow because you are not content not to. You are like a beaver that chews constantly because if it doesn’t, its teeth grow long and lock. You grow because you are a grower; you’re large because you can’t stand to be small.
Wallace Stegner, On Teaching and Writing Fiction
When people say something changed their life, I think they usually mean, upon deeper explanation, that something has revived their imagination.Phyllis Theroux, The Journal Keeper
I hope you found it as lovely as I did, to witness several example of the true self.
Be sure to check your somatic experience as you watch. Is some historical pain you felt during the pandemic regulated by the videos? Is there a memory provoked for you by either video?
GUIDE:
The first video is pulsing with answers to the existential question, “What is worth living for and what is worth dying for?” The second video shows the surplus of love flowing out of the true self. Instead of staying inside, feeling devoid of efficacy, the citizens of a handful of large cities opted to dignify their pain by turning it into a ritual of showing love and gratitude. The loud banging of pots and pans is equal to the human heart kicking powerfully against death. It is breathing while you are kicking against fear that you might breathe your last. What do you think of all the voices joining as one voice to grow something in the place formerly occupied by fear and death?
What do you think of the outreach to the Lennox Hill medical employees?
Why are the nurses depicted in these clips growers? (SEE Stegner quote above) Why are their faces glowing? Why is their purpose large? How do they refuse to play small?
TODAY– If we emulate, even a fraction of this aliveness, we will be moving out of the stiff garment of trauma into the flowing robes of the true self.
not assigned | The Trauma Experience |
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